I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize