dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I enjoy the company of your penis
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
