it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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