Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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