the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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