I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize