a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
