i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
