new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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