i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
FUCK WHALES
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
