i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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