Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize