Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
