another moral hangover. fuck.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
