Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize