oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
