i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize