I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
