tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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