She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
