i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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