Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
