yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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