I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
