I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
