You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
