My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
