I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
