____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize