Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
