This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
