There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
