I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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