Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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