i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
