The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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