That's when you crack a 10am beer
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
