I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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