Michael Bay diarrhea
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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