Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
