Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
