Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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