Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize