I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
