Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
