and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
