"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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