Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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