I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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