Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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