My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
