I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
