In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
