I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
