very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
