we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
