just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
