gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
