this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
