I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
