So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
