I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
