is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
