his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
