Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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