can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
