dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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