All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am midnight drunk by noon
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
