he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
