Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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