I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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